Today hundreds of posts are scrolling through my social media sites... highlighting "Bell's - Let's Talk" campaign and sharing the fact that mental illness is real. Today... I am saying that too!!
For the past few weeks I have really been struggling mentally, and it could be from so many reasons:
1. I don't have answers yet to the blood thinners and blood clots... I saw the doctor again this morning and she is having further discussions with an internal medicine specialist and a haematologist. The doctor also said she would like to do another chest and leg doppler ultrasound test - to see what my new baseline for health is - since I have reach the six month mark since my first pulminary embolisms.
2. I went from being an extreme extrovert, completely surrounded by people - to being a shut-in for the past few months, often home alone, without a vehicle, from Monday to Friday.
3. Since I am slowly recovering from surgery, I no longer am as sick or in as much pain as I was (which is awesome!!) but every small pain - chest, legs, arms, stomach - makes me wonder if something is still wrong, or if this is normal?! I am having a lot of muscular pains because I just can't get out into the cold weather.
4. Family members have been fighting other medical issues, which are also on my heart and mind.
5. My life in Soroti was just put on hold six months ago and I don't know when I will exactly get back. I've never had that before... I always know my dates of returning, but right now I want to return when I feel good and have all the medical answers.
6. Sometimes I feel dizzy or get funky eye strains... but as of yesterday, I am now the proud owner of reading glasses... that may change the dizziness and headaches. Or maybe it's because I had four cavities and a crown to be replaced. I will finish up all of my dental work on Friday.
7. So many changes have taken place in Uganda without me being there. The market has been torn down. My car is barely crawling in service now, so I will need to go car shopping as soon as I reach Uganda. Ministries have been put on hold. Mice are living in my house. Mr. Chaps, the kitten, has finished his nine lives. Team-mates have moved back to the States. And so much more...
8. I'm nervous to fly again... alone... what if I have another blood clot. Will I be okay in Uganda? But I'm taking all the precautions - aspirin, compression socks, lots of water, walk around... I will be okay.
So... do I feel good? Well... no. Physically I am almost there, but not having much purpose at the moment and feeling shut-in have made days tough for me and tears are always present or on the edge of falling. I need a departure date!
I want to feel good.
I want to go home.
I need your prayers!!
But really - I am okay! I trust in God's plan. I know He has me resting for this time. I will be fine, it's just a tough season. Some people are shocked when I even share my mental struggles while I do my church presentations... but mental health is real and I don't think we should hide behind it. It truly helps to TALK.
For the past few weeks I have really been struggling mentally, and it could be from so many reasons:
1. I don't have answers yet to the blood thinners and blood clots... I saw the doctor again this morning and she is having further discussions with an internal medicine specialist and a haematologist. The doctor also said she would like to do another chest and leg doppler ultrasound test - to see what my new baseline for health is - since I have reach the six month mark since my first pulminary embolisms.
2. I went from being an extreme extrovert, completely surrounded by people - to being a shut-in for the past few months, often home alone, without a vehicle, from Monday to Friday.
3. Since I am slowly recovering from surgery, I no longer am as sick or in as much pain as I was (which is awesome!!) but every small pain - chest, legs, arms, stomach - makes me wonder if something is still wrong, or if this is normal?! I am having a lot of muscular pains because I just can't get out into the cold weather.
4. Family members have been fighting other medical issues, which are also on my heart and mind.
5. My life in Soroti was just put on hold six months ago and I don't know when I will exactly get back. I've never had that before... I always know my dates of returning, but right now I want to return when I feel good and have all the medical answers.
6. Sometimes I feel dizzy or get funky eye strains... but as of yesterday, I am now the proud owner of reading glasses... that may change the dizziness and headaches. Or maybe it's because I had four cavities and a crown to be replaced. I will finish up all of my dental work on Friday.
7. So many changes have taken place in Uganda without me being there. The market has been torn down. My car is barely crawling in service now, so I will need to go car shopping as soon as I reach Uganda. Ministries have been put on hold. Mice are living in my house. Mr. Chaps, the kitten, has finished his nine lives. Team-mates have moved back to the States. And so much more...
8. I'm nervous to fly again... alone... what if I have another blood clot. Will I be okay in Uganda? But I'm taking all the precautions - aspirin, compression socks, lots of water, walk around... I will be okay.
So... do I feel good? Well... no. Physically I am almost there, but not having much purpose at the moment and feeling shut-in have made days tough for me and tears are always present or on the edge of falling. I need a departure date!
I want to feel good.
I want to go home.
I need your prayers!!
But really - I am okay! I trust in God's plan. I know He has me resting for this time. I will be fine, it's just a tough season. Some people are shocked when I even share my mental struggles while I do my church presentations... but mental health is real and I don't think we should hide behind it. It truly helps to TALK.
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