Tonight I locked myself inside the house... knowing that I need some quiet time. Time to dig into God's Word, and write in my prayer journal. Time to just be. Time to step aside from friends, ministry and the business of life, and just rest. Time to lay down and get over this deep chest congestion that's starting to irritate my presence. While I was chatting with God, pictures came to my mind of places where I feel like I am messing up... and I thought I should share them with you.
1. Two weeks ago, I was shooting off an email, sitting by the laptop in my dining room, when a few visitors came to the house. Good friends of mine, with my room-mate, entered the kitchen. And I heard them say, "Oh children, how do you know where Auntie Karen's sweets are?" I jumped up immediately to work on boundary setting. I don't believe in caning, but I do believe in discipline, manners, and so I wanted to check out the scenario right away.
Three neighbour children were standing in the kitchen, each holding a lollipop that they had helped themselves to from the cupboard. I took the treats away and scolded them for taking my sweets without asking. I explained to them that they had to respect my space and not just take things. That's called stealing. Well, the four year old boys understood and shrugged it off, but the three year old girl began to cry. My room-mate said I was being tough on the kids and making a baby cry, but I was determined to stick to my boundaries. Against my wishes, my house-mate ran to her room and offered biscuits to the children instead. I was not impressed, but let them keep the snack. After a few moments, I went outside and chatted with the three amigos. I explained to them again why they couldn't just take things. And I gave them hugs and let them know that I loved them.
The children went back to playing nicely and I went to sit with my friends in the living room. Suddenly I heard the little girl crying outside, and my gut reaction came out in a speech I wish I could take back. I said "I hope she bit her tongue chewing on those biscuits she doesn't deserve." Yep, my friends were shocked, and I was sorry.
2. Last year, I had two occasions where I was called to speak in various villages - to share, preach, and teach. Those are all great things, but not when it means the pastor only wants you there to show off that he has a white friend. And promises are made to the villages that I never even imagined. Now those pastors are coming back to me, saying that villages are getting upset that I won't come back and visit them also. If I came to one church, why won't I come to another. I've tried dodging the phone calls of these leaders because I struggle with saying no, but more and more I am realizing that I need to clearly say NO... "maybe" doesn't even come close to cutting it here. Also, with my ministry and locality so clearly defined right now, I feel it is an injustice to travel to other places just to be shown off... I know the work that I am doing is for the glory of the Lord and He has brought the right people for me to walk alongside of in the ministries of children and music. But why is it that I still feel torn in my responses to these village churches/leaders? Am I guilty for having my ministry so clearly laid out? Am I thankful that my schedule is already fully book with teaching every day in a primary school and singing with Oil of Gladness? Am I torn between knowing my own personal limits and desiring to see God's Word shared in the village? Do I feel abused for being paraded around the villages when there are far better Ugandan preachers who could share the Word in those places? I have no idea.
1. Two weeks ago, I was shooting off an email, sitting by the laptop in my dining room, when a few visitors came to the house. Good friends of mine, with my room-mate, entered the kitchen. And I heard them say, "Oh children, how do you know where Auntie Karen's sweets are?" I jumped up immediately to work on boundary setting. I don't believe in caning, but I do believe in discipline, manners, and so I wanted to check out the scenario right away.
Three neighbour children were standing in the kitchen, each holding a lollipop that they had helped themselves to from the cupboard. I took the treats away and scolded them for taking my sweets without asking. I explained to them that they had to respect my space and not just take things. That's called stealing. Well, the four year old boys understood and shrugged it off, but the three year old girl began to cry. My room-mate said I was being tough on the kids and making a baby cry, but I was determined to stick to my boundaries. Against my wishes, my house-mate ran to her room and offered biscuits to the children instead. I was not impressed, but let them keep the snack. After a few moments, I went outside and chatted with the three amigos. I explained to them again why they couldn't just take things. And I gave them hugs and let them know that I loved them.
The children went back to playing nicely and I went to sit with my friends in the living room. Suddenly I heard the little girl crying outside, and my gut reaction came out in a speech I wish I could take back. I said "I hope she bit her tongue chewing on those biscuits she doesn't deserve." Yep, my friends were shocked, and I was sorry.
2. Last year, I had two occasions where I was called to speak in various villages - to share, preach, and teach. Those are all great things, but not when it means the pastor only wants you there to show off that he has a white friend. And promises are made to the villages that I never even imagined. Now those pastors are coming back to me, saying that villages are getting upset that I won't come back and visit them also. If I came to one church, why won't I come to another. I've tried dodging the phone calls of these leaders because I struggle with saying no, but more and more I am realizing that I need to clearly say NO... "maybe" doesn't even come close to cutting it here. Also, with my ministry and locality so clearly defined right now, I feel it is an injustice to travel to other places just to be shown off... I know the work that I am doing is for the glory of the Lord and He has brought the right people for me to walk alongside of in the ministries of children and music. But why is it that I still feel torn in my responses to these village churches/leaders? Am I guilty for having my ministry so clearly laid out? Am I thankful that my schedule is already fully book with teaching every day in a primary school and singing with Oil of Gladness? Am I torn between knowing my own personal limits and desiring to see God's Word shared in the village? Do I feel abused for being paraded around the villages when there are far better Ugandan preachers who could share the Word in those places? I have no idea.
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