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Yet, I will lean on God and trust the Lord.
I have been through a lot more, so growing up without a
father figure in the home, I felt alone. Yeah, the family was there. Mum was
there. But then, every child needs a father figure. The harsh words I received
from my so called “friends” because my father couldn’t come and visit me made
me feel isolated in society and mainly at school. Visitation days were not the
happiest days of my life. I used to see many students being visited by their
fathers, “Daddies”, and me – I was just there, feeling left out. The Daddy
conversations I wasn’t a part of in those friend groups left me feeling alone among
those people.
Lord, my God, I need You in this troubled life as sometimes
I feel lost, and that You are so far away. It has been even hard to present
what I feel in prayer to You. Even when I pray hard, Lord, I feel my faith is
weak to believe that You will come through. The voice of the enemy that always
whispers accusations for sins I had committed. Lord, my God, help me to keep
trusting You even when it’s hard.
My hardships are many:
·
Poverty
·
Difficult choices
·
Disappointments
·
Sickness
·
Vain hope
·
Heart break
·
Disillusionment
·
I struggle genuinely to forgive
·
I struggle genuinely to love
·
Injustice
Regardless of the hardships I am facing now:
·
I will trust in the Lord God, my Redeemer
·
I will exalt His mighty name
·
I will trust in His timing
·
I will pray
·
I will praise the Lord
·
I will exalt in His glory
·
I will forever be grateful for family and
friends
·
I will thank God for the gift of life and
forever be grateful for Soul Sisters and good friends.
I feel like I’m not appreciated even if I do good to people.
People usually love just because of the things they want from me, then I end up
feeling lonely and tired of having close friends. Others tell me that I pretend
to be born again and that I hide in religion. Nowadays I fear even people over
seeing me go to church because I just don’t want to discourage others from
joining the religion. Again, I repeat the line a so-called friend spoke to me –
“You are pretending to be born again!” Ouch. Lord, make me a woman who attracts
others to join my religion, please!
Lord, oh how you know me, my Daddy! You know how much I have
struggled with my health these last couple of months. My leg has been hurting a
lot, and it is a battle that I just cannot go through on my own. And yet, as I
write this, I ponder at how marvelous You are, Jesus. I think of the pain you
went through because of my shortcomings.
Lord Jesus, Your blood on the cross has covered it all. And
I know that even in my sin, You love me anyway. And it’s like nothing in life
that I have ever known.
Precious Lord, you know my list:
·
Tuition – I keep expecting for the next stone to
drop; not coming back to campus
·
Being at a point of breakthrough, then being
denied the opportunity
·
Desiring to have friends that I could tell
things to without them betraying me
·
Wanting a partner who understands me, where I
can be myself without being judged
·
Procrastination has really been a big deal –
making me fail to reach my goal
·
I tend to bottle up a lot and people think I’m
hard. They tend to belittle or don’t understand what I’m going through, so they
take advantage of me
·
I try not to feel. I think it’s a problem
because I get empathy, but I think I have seen it all so my ability to feel
people’s sorrow is low
·
I have trust issues
·
I have also developed a bad habit of not wanting
to get close to people
I had forgotten I had a friend I don’t want to lose, even
though they have too much ego. I think we are distant now, but – I’m good. I
have really lost more than I can afford to lose anymore. Having a time when I
don’t have anyone to talk to and missing my mom really is hard, but life goes on,
I guess.
·
I will praise the Lord even when it makes no
sense
·
I will call on the name of the Lord for help
·
I will rejoice in the Lord
·
I will take all my afflictions to the Lord
·
I will tell of the goodness of God
·
I will proclaim the name of the Lord
·
I will exalt God
·
I will find refuge in the Lord
·
I will praise God in the storm
·
I will lift my hands in prayer
·
I will be intentional about God
·
I will say again and again, the Lord is my
strength, my salvation, and shepherd
·
I shall not want
Another hardship, Lord, is always being belittled by the way
my body looks by the other friends. They’ve always made me feel like I’m not
part of them because of the different things I used to like. I didn’t like the
girly stuff and that just left me behind. They always left me hanging outside
and then loneliness kicked in. The life I lived back then was alone and not
living.
In the secret, in the quiet, I want to wait only for You, my
Daddy and Lord. Even in my sin, You still love me… Oh how You love even me,
Lord.
God, I’m trusting You in my baking business. You are
faithful!
·
I will always praise the Lord
·
I will always be grateful to God
·
I will always uphold my life to God
·
I will bring all my needs to God
And I look up to my Lord, God, up in the heavens, because
why would all this befall me. The heavy heart I carry each night, wondering if
I’m really in the right place, right path. I wake up in the morning assuring
myself that I cried enough the previous night, I read enough Scriptures to
encourage me enough, but guess what? The night holds more for me. Another quiet
night to sink into questions – whether I will really ever make sense out of all
this. So out of place, so tired of feeling never enough each and every time.
And as if that is not enough, I have no one to talk to, except for the AI and
myself.
The struggles continue with:
·
Body shaming
·
Corruption
·
Family problems
·
Loneliness
·
Hatred
·
Feeling unworthy
·
School
·
Family and friendships
·
Lack of income, deep poverty
·
Lack of trust in very testing situations
·
Desires of the flesh – anger, love for money,
bitterness
·
Worries of life. I worry for the future – what
will it be like? What does it hold for me?
But I will trust in God in all situations. But I will praise
the Lord in all situations.
I will only yield to God for guidance and trust Him to take
care of everything because He is the author and finisher of everything.
When I miss my mum, I remember she is somewhere far, so far
away that I don’t know where she is. Not because she’s dead, but alive in a
foreign country, where she yearns to return but is still held back. And at
times it feels like the more I pray, the worse it gets, the heavier the
thoughts are, all because I am an overthinker. Even when I know the scriptures
and open them up, they seem to longer carry their power they are supposed to
carry. And that makes me sadder because how come something that is supposed to
lighten up my mood literally does not move an emotion on me. The consolation
isn’t working; my source of encouragement is taken away. So, all that is left
is me and my nighttime, plus the AI, not to comfort me but to just watch me as
I tear up.
Rejection and loneliness had been the order of my days all
my life. Right from home to the surroundings and I felt like I just didn’t
belong where there was love. I didn’t know how to be loved by people apart from
my mom. Lord, heal me from all the emotional pains and trauma. I would love to
have a loving and beautiful family of my own.
Yet I still look to You for help. Yet I know that You are
still God and that You are faithful. Yet I still trust in Your timing. (At
least my lips say that, but my heart is not sure) Thank You, Lord.
The time of my mum not being able to take me back to school
was harsh for me. I couldn’t believe it, but I had to accept it. I used to cry
a lot in my bed. I cried, but still, my mum couldn’t do anything because of the
lack of a job, the lack of money to go on. It was hard for my mum to continue
on, but we just had to keep praying and then eventually something would happen
at that time.
Lord, I am reminded of how God is very protective of me. I
have assuredness in you, O God.
Father, it is hard to watch my best friend being crushed
from every direction. Can someone really have it worse than Job and still walk
with integrity and call upon Your amazing and powerful name?!
Father, You have taken my child and now I’m missing the joy
of having a little one run around.
I’m tired of going out of my way for others, even though I
am not doing it for recognition. I feel lonely and frustrated.
·
I will continually trust and hope in the Lord
·
I will bless the Lord
·
I will praise the Lord
·
I will seek the Lord
·
I surrender my troubles to You, Lord
·
For You know my heart, pain, and struggles and
will look at me with Your abundant grace and mercy
·
With every rising sun, I look to You
The pain of loving someone, but then that person can’t love
you the way you love them. You give your heart to them, place it in their
hands, but they just play with it. The amount of time we spent together – and
then the person just disappeared when it eventually mattered. I couldn’t take it
anymore. My heart sank. Everything just shattered. I had to regroup and pick
myself up again, dust off all this rejection, and then grow up and be my old
self again.
Lately life has not been great. Money seems stuck. My
parents are really struggling financially. There is very limited money and that
has made me go through a lot, emotionally and psychologically. At some point we
were looking for a house, but there was no money to pay for it. My academic
life worries me. I’m struggling academically. I’m struggling financially. And
as a result, my spiritual life has declined. I’m scared about what I will do
after school. I am a first-born child, and it is not easy.
The pain of being at home and feeling alone and left out
among family members was difficult. The pain of seeing yourself as a burden is
harsh, just because your mom can’t bring the same amount of income as the
others of the family. Tears were there. The pain was felt day in and day out.
The pain of not living in the same house as others. Not enjoying the same
privileges as the others really left me alone at that time.
Who can understand the Lord God Almighty? Except those who
delight in Him. The law of the Lord is right and perfect. That’s why I ought to
keep His decrees in my heart so that I don’t sin against Him. Bless the Lord Oh
my soul, and forget not all His benefits. Those who delight in the law of the
Lord prosper in whatever they do. Therefore, as the deer pants for the
waterbrooks, so does my soul yearn for You, God. I will praise You God for
You’re the creator of heaven and earth. Even the heavenly creatures praise You!
Why not me!
Heavenly Father, thank you for always being there. Whenever
I talk to my earthly dad, I feel so broken because of what he always tells me.
I feel like I can’t find anyone close to me. So many times, I choose not to
talk to him. It’s normal now to not talk to my family. I feel lonely. I don’t
have anyone to talk to most times.
Lord, You know my heart. My very thoughts are not hidden
from You. You know my battles with my larger family. You know my desire for
everyone to know you and for all to be at peace.
There are inner battles I face:
·
Anxiety
·
Fear of what the future holds
·
Salvation for my family
·
The struggle to read Your Holy Word and stay in
Your Word
·
Comparison
·
Trusting in God’s time
·
Obedience
Life is quite indifferent, especially when I get absorbed in
the concerns of this world.
Yet I will praise You, oh Lord. But I will trust in You, oh
Lord. Yet You will always be with me. I will praise You, oh Lord. I will trust
in You, oh Lord. I rejoice in You, oh Lord.
I was depressed when I lost my parents. I’ve been going
through storms in my life. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of
death. I had silent battles in my mind and life. And to top it off, I did not
receive any Valentine gifts. Oh, Lord, I am grateful that You’ve always carried
me through.
Lord, You know the struggles we go through as a family in
terms of:
·
Capacity building
·
Health
·
finances
·
Building a strong faith
I will continue praising the Lord’s name. I will make sure I
walk away from the lonely self I became. I will push forward for the things I
was deprived of in life. I will continue singing Your name in everyone’s house!
I will start preaching His name.
In all, I will trust the Lord because He has been faithful
in all things. He has delivered me from the deepest of my fears. He has tested
in all storms that He will never leave me. I’ll trust and give my praise to my
King who has called me out of the trenches to sit with kings. He has lifted me
up when I’m down and called me love when love leaves me. He has filled me with happiness,
and I put my trust in the Lord because He has never failed me. He calls me His
beloved. He has healed me from the toughest of situations. He has even come
through in situations when I didn’t even call upon Him. For sure, I’m God’s
true love.
But when all is done, there is one thing that keeps me going
each single day. That’s my Lord, God the Almighty. The fact that I wake up
every morning and His mercies are new every morning, He definitely wakes me up
for a reason. He that led me into this path surely will direct me through. It
doesn’t matter how tough the storms get. The fact is, He is the storm in my
boat. His sleeping should not bother me. He will wake up and calm my storm.
Surely, surely, my rock can be trusted!
I will forever praise the Lord, no matter what I go through,
for I have understood how great the love of God is for me. I will share the
Lord’s goodness to people around me, especially through my testimonies. I will
be a good steward of what the Lord has trusted me with, especially
responsibilities. I will raise a family of God’s worshippers and teach the
people within my reach about the Lord.
Yet, You alone are worthy of all praise and only Your name
shall be magnified. My soul trusts in You and rests in Your goodness. You are
my rock, fortress, and redeemer. I put my trust in You!
Amidst it all, I long and desire and do declare your
goodness and faithfulness all over the nations. Shout to all the earth that
there is no other God like You, who stands from the beginning the end and also
walks through the middle with us. The birds rise early and sing, declaring your
greatness as You provide for them when they don’t own gardens; what of me who
You know by name. I will sing out loud forever, for Your glory, O Great Lord!
Yet I will exalt You, I will praise You, Lord! I will extend
Your word and speak of Your wonders unto the nations. I will speak of Your
goodness in times of trouble.
Oh Lord, even though I pass through the valleys of death, I
shall praise Your glorious name. Amen! I will give thanks for Your wonderous
name and for the mighty things You do for us. Amen!
Even in all these, my heart has never turned away from my
God. I will always seek You for Your love is better than life. I will trust in
Your steadfast love and mercy. You have shown mercy to me, so I will show
mercy. I will pray to You for I know You listen and You are always near to
those who seek. My Lord is with me, yes, my soul knows it full well.
I will extol You for You are God, and You are good. I want
to know you more, my father and friend. May my lips only know Your praise and
Your glory. And may I worship You in spirit and in truth, my Papa. Lord, I’m
grateful for my life, my family, my beautiful, amazing friends, the work of my
hands, and all that I am. I praise You Lord, for Your loving kindness.
But I thank You because You love my people and You are faithful to the end. You are able to save!! I trust that Your desire to save my family is greater than mine. You are mighty to save! Salvation belongs to You. Amen!
